here’s a stupid thing: i can’t watch “my mad fat diary.” i so value that it has a fat female lead and is particularly adept at portraying issues surrounding fat shaming and fat acceptance (at least in comparison to other shows that have weakly…
i love what you said about the show and totally get where you’re coming from. it’s funny, because after years and years of wishing for more fat representation in the media, now that there is finally a show about a fat teenager, it is too real for me. even though i can’t imagine someone like Finn falling for me, i know the self-doubt. i know so many of the things she goes through far too well. i wish, as you say, being able to relate so well to Rae would help me learn about myself. and i guess it does (as it made me write this post and think about all of this). but for some reason, it takes a huge emotional toll on me to see the things i’ve gone through in another person, to see her try to cope with things i constantly try to cope with. i guess it makes it all more real? does that make any sense?
here’s a stupid thing: i can’t watch “my mad fat diary.” i so value that it has a fat female lead and is particularly adept at portraying issues surrounding fat shaming and fat acceptance (at least in comparison to other shows that have weakly attempted to do this). i find it really, really exciting that people love the show despite it not having the regular skinny, beautiful (but she doesn’t know it!!!!) lead actress. but i can’t watch it.
i have never had a boyfriend. i have never considered that a boy may like me. i am fat, and society has taught me that i am not good enough. i don’t remember anything i learned in the fourth grade about ancient egypt, but i remember the first fat joke i heard. i remember the first time i felt guilty for eating a piece of pizza. i remember the first time a guy i liked called me a whale to my face, the first time i locked myself in a bathroom stall to cry.
today my mom told me a story about her roommate in university (“a bigger girl,” as she says), who was asked to a school formal as a bet. some asshole was paid by his friends to get this girl to sleep with him. it was the first time anyone had ever asked her out. she was excited. my mom remembers doing her makeup. she slept with him and found out about the bet the next day.
i can’t watch “my mad fat diary” because i am jealous and because i am afraid. a wonderful guy falls in love with a fat girl. the idea is so foreign to me that i don’t even know how to approach it. it makes me sad that i can’t imagine a world in which that would be possible for me. in which a guy would care more about the way he connects with me than what his friends might think. i don’t know. i am too scared that i will be the girl who is seduced for a bet.
i’ve been getting better at accepting myself but i can’t fathom that other people might accept me too.